"It's Only Vampire," a humorous horror short story, appears in FARK in the Time of COVID: The 2020 Fark Fiction Anthology! The anthology was released in December 2020.

I have a soft spot for the main characters in "It's Only Vampire." Vlad and Ji, a pair of old-timer vampires who live in a brave new world of vampire liberation, decades after vampires rose from the shadows to conquer the Earth. You see, vampires come into existence when humans write about them. After a fan fiction-based population boom, they finally had enough numbers to take their place as the dominant predator on the planet.

But ancient, sophisticated vampires like Vlad and Ji, still have a few concerns. Avoiding sunlight and garlic cloves, certainly. But also getting along with the newer generations of bloodsuckers. Some disagreements are only human -- er, vampire -- in nature.

Here are the first few lines of "It's Only Vampire" to entice your purchase:

By the time Vlad's paper-thin skin was sizzling in the sunshine as he sped down the zipline, I knew the sixth day of my nine hundred and ninety-fourth year had gone horribly wrong. Had the humans felt the same when we stepped from the shadows a decade ago to reveal our existence? We took charge before the mortals had the chance to form a resistance.

It started in late twilight with the piquant aroma of coffee brewing. Not the vampire takeover of Earth, but the sequence of events leading to Vlad's unfortunate circumstance. Desire for my daily cuppa had uncreaked my old joints as Vlad and I waited for the steeping coffee on a café's mahogany bench. Mahogany is a sign of exceptional taste—it makes quite elegant caskets.

This is my second time having a short story appear in the annual Fark.com fiction anthologies - the first was "Garbage" in 2017. Like its predecessors, FARK in the Time of COVID: The 2020 Fark Fiction Anthology, donates its proceeds to a children's charity chosen by Fark.com posters. You can order it on Amazon as a paperback or read the ebook via Kindle Unlimited.

Obligatory author & book photo

I wouldn't leave you without a little photographic inspiration for "It's Only Vampire" to get your imaginations churning.